September 12, 2000

"Whether it's basketball or the clarinet, the basic reason kids quit an activity is that they aren't enjoying themselves," says Alvin Rosenfeld, M.D., coauthor of Hyper-Parenting: Are You Hurting Your Child by Trying Too Hard? "Evaluate the situation and talk to your child so you can help her decide. Here's how: Know thyself. "Make sure your child's involvement in an activity is his passion, not yours," says Dr. Rosenfeld. "We think that to be good parents, we have to expose our kids to every activity. This sends the message that achievements, not relationships and character, bring happiness." Too much emphasis on accomplishments makes kids feel that parents only care about them as producers, not people. Let kids be kids. Kids need unstructured time to develop their individuality, so limit activities. Also be observant: If your child shows little excitement or desire to practice, it may be time to let her drop the activity, at least temporarily. If it's mid-season, explain that she made a commitment and should really finish the season. Encourage exploration. Your child may enjoy the activity, but not the coach or teacher. Observe a few sessions. If you're not satisfied with the methods, try switching teachers. If that doesn't work, let your child quit, but encourage new activities. Be sure to establish rules like, "We're going to give this eight weeks of effort; then, if you don't like it, you can stop." - Arricca Elin SanSone