Sun, December 5, 2004

'Will I get shot too?'

JOANNE RICHARD SAYS THAT THE 24/7 NEWS CULTURE WE LIVE IN CAN BE FRIGHTENING FOR KIDS AND PARENTS SHOULD BE TUNED IN TO THEIR FEARS

News of shootings and stabbings fill the broadcasts and pepper conversations everywhere, including the schoolyard. This week a 3-year-old was stabbed and died, along with her parents; last week an 11-year-old suffered a near-fatal gunshot wound to her head, after being struck by a stray bullet while on board a Downsview bus. And a mere eight months ago, Toronto mother of three, Louise Russo, was left paralyzed after being gunned down in a random shooting. No one is immune. According to author Willow Bay, "when a child hears about a shooting, their image of their neighbourhood and community as a safe place is shattered. They often wonder, 'Could this happen to me? To my parents? Could this happen in my neighbourhood? How could those adults let this happen?' "

The 24/7 news culture we live in can be frightening to our children, Bay says. Crimes stories are repeated often and "create the impression for adults and children that the world is a very dangerous place."

Children are likely to pay attention to news that involves children, Dr. Judith Myers-Walls says. "They identify with other children, so the more similar a child is to the victims (age, sex, neighbourhood, etc.), the more he or she is likely to feel vulnerable."

Children often personalize what they see and hear: "The impact on each child will really vary. Some children pay more attention to the news than others, some children are more fearful overall, and each child will have different experiences with exposure to and explanations of the dangers," advises Myers-Walls, a professor of child development at Purdue University in Indiana. "Parents should monitor children's reactions closely to see how they are reacting to events."

According to Dr. Arlette Lefebvre, "It's very scary and disillusioning for children to think that they can't count on adults to keep them safe.

"This is a world where parents feel less and less safe. Kids sense their anxiety and this makes them anxious and insecure as a result," the staff psychiatrist at Sick Kids' hospital says.

Experts agree child-rearing challenges abound in our stress-saturated world where bad news insidiously invades homes and young minds. Parents are searching for answers and guidance but there are no predetermined formulas to handle the haunting and daunting fears fermenting around us, Bay says, so that's why she wrote her book -- Talking to your Kids in Tough Times (Warner Books). It's a guide to helping parents answer children's tough questions about the world we live in.

"New research suggests that children experience a great deal of fear in times that adults feel are relatively safe. In one study done by Sesame Street Workshop in May of 2000, a majority of the 6- to 11-year-old children in their study voiced fears about guns, death and violence. When asked about their fears, nearly two-thirds gave graphic descriptions of violence to themselves and families," Bay says from her Los Angeles residence.

"They reported being frightened, and being alone in their fear. They didn't want to burden their parents with it, but did very much want someone to listen to them," Bay says. "Children feel assaulted by the news they see and hear on television and radio. They fear they are not safe. Researchers discussing their findings call it a mainstream epidemic transcending race, geography, income level and gender."

Meanwhile, not talking about it does not protect children. "In fact, you may communicate that the subject is taboo and that you are unavailable if you remain silent," Myers-Walls says. "You can't erase their anxieties. Talk about it and give them coping strategies."

Rosenfeld adds -- on a more positive note -- that although a child's vision of the world may be shaped by events he or she experiences personally, such as 9/11 or some violent event in the home, "I think that children's vision of the world are shaped in other ways, such as how they are treated by their parents. Nothing matters more to a child than that. If a parent treats a child generously, with kindness and respect, the child will see the world as a good place with some occasional, unfortunate events. If the parents are harsh and abusive, the child will see the world that way."

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