From the Saturday, April 30, 2005 issue:

Children deserve some free time

In our mile-a-minute, hurry-up society, is it any wonder that so many of our children are booked solid with extracurricular activities. Dance lessons. Gymnastics. Soccer practice. What time does all that leave for kids to just be kids?

Unfortunately, not much, insists Dr. Alvin Rosenfeld, a child psychiatrist who is developing an expertise in treating what he calls "hyper-parenting." Rosenfeld is referring to the tendency of so many parents to try so hard to expose their children to so much that both parent and child become overwhelmed and lose perspective. Before long, it just becomes about doing as much as possible.

Parents become ultra-competitive with one another, using their children to outdo their friends and neighbors. And children forget why they should have taken on these activities in the first place -- namely, to have fun and learn about things like discipline and teamwork.

As he writes in his book, "The Overscheduled Child," which he co-authored with journalist Nicole Wise, Rosenfeld thinks that a lot of it can be traced to a desire by parents to raise the perfect child -- the sort who grows up to earn early admission at a top-notch university, thus ensuring a charmed life.

Of course, it doesn't really work that way, but try selling that to parents who are intent on doing all they can to make sure their children get every advantage in life. The trouble is, with all this overscheduling going on, we may be so focused on what children are getting that we've lost sight of what they're giving up in the process.

Family time, for one. Remember family dinners, before it became so common for parents and kids to grab something on the run?

When was the last time you had a family meeting or engaged in a household conversation?

And whatever happened to free time -- that part of the day, perhaps after school and chores, in which children do nothing but let their imaginations soar?

There's nothing wrong with wanting to expose your children to a variety of experiences and activities. Someday, they may even thank you for it. But the secrets to a happy and healthy life include moderation and balance, the very things that sometimes go lacking when kids are always on the go.

So for now, slow down -- and teach your children to do the same. Better that they enjoy their childhood and learn to do a few things really well than try to do everything in sight and wind up majoring in mediocrity.

-- The San Diego Union-Tribune

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