Psychiatrist says kids are too busy Psychiatrist says kids are too busy (November 28, 2001)

Urges parents to let children have time to be themselves

by Bryan Chin

Palo Alto families are, for the most part, over-scheduled, according to child psychiatrist and author Alvin Rosenfeld.

Rosenfeld, author of "The Over-Scheduled Child: Avoiding the Hyper-Parenting Trap," was in Palo Alto last Monday to speak at two lectures sponsored by the Palo Alto Medical Foundation about modern methods of child-rearing.

His presentation at Gunn High School's Spangenberg Theater emphasized the unintended consequences of the fast-paced, activity-filled lifestyles many Palo Alto families experience.

"Kids are becoming over-achieving workaholics," Rosenfeld said. "There seems to be only one particular outcome to everything now -- admission into a prestigious university. Over the past century, we seemed to have abolished child labor and supplemented it with hyperactivity."

The presentation opened with a video of local high school students candidly discussing issues of low self-esteem and the overwhelming pressure to succeed. One student spoke about how he felt his many achievements went unrecognized by his parents. Another discussed how easily all the pressure can lead to student drug use.

"This lecture (was) a chance to respond to the voices of our youth," said Irv Rollins, assistant superintendent of the Palo Alto Unified School District. "We thought, 'What do we do to respond to these issues? What can we do together that we can't do individually?'"

Rosenfeld, a Harvard Medical School graduate who has been quoted in the New York Times and featured on the Oprah Winfrey show, said parents have very much lost touch with their children in the desire to see them succeed.

"Parenting has become an anxious competitive sport," he said. "It has gotten 4-year-olds into competitive leagues. Parents may say they're spending more time with their kids, but it's only because it's to and from activities. What kind of message do kids get from all of this?"

He says parents can help alleviate the pressure by scheduling more free time with their children with no intended "goal" in mind.

He urged parents to let their children make some decisions themselves about how to spend their own time.

"We tend to scrutinize everything. Everything our kids do gets a grade. They just can't 'be' anymore," he said.

Children emulate what their parents do, Rosenfeld continued, so over-scheduled parents should also take more time off for themselves to just "be." He said doing so would send the message to children that life isn't just about rushing from activity to activity.

"It's really a time to rethink all that, with what's going on in America right now," he said. "We need to teach our kids how to deal with their relationships and build their own characters."

Rosenfeld's appearance in Palo Alto was just part of a districtwide committee effort in addressing student issues. Discussion groups have been scheduled over the next two months at every school in the district for parents to further discuss the problems of over-scheduling.

"This is just the first of many discussions like this," Rollins said.