Extracurriculars: extra fun or extra burden?

By Le Datta Grimes
HERALD-LEADER STAFF WRITER

Name it, and Nash and Drew Cox have probably tried it. T-ball, yep. Soccer, of course. Piano hasn't everybody?

 Boy Scouts love of Nash's life.

 And ballroom dancing? Nash takes classes weekly. 

The Cox boys have done the extracurricular circuit. 

Nash is 13. Drew is 11.

 Since kindergarten or so, they've done horseback riding, tennis lessons, Cub Scouts, swimming, aviation camp, all-sports camp, theater, church camp, space camp, trumpet lessons, karate, basketball and computer classes.

 ``I want to expose them to lots of different things once or twice,'' said Beverly Cox, their mom. ``If it's something they really like, then we'll do it, but if they don't have a knack for it, I don't push them.

 ``I like the boys to stay busy,'' she said.

 But are they too busy?

 Some might say so. Child experts are advocating that parents scale back extra activities in favor of a less hectic lifestyle. Family time, they say, is more important than trying to raise the next Mozart or Michael Jordan.

 But parents don't necessarily buy into that. Though they might value quality family time, some parents are caught up in a whirlwind of activities because it seems the in thing to do, says New York child psychologist and author Alvin Rosenfeld.

 When Nathan next door is playing the cello and Dolly down the street is speaking Spanish before even starting kindergarten it's hard not to get caught up in the frenzy, said Rosenfeld, author of Hyper-Parenting: Are You Hurting Your Child by Trying Too Hard?

 ``Parenting has become the most competitive sport in America,'' he said.

 But not all parents see it that way. Most believe they are enriching their children's lives by exposing them to different activities.

A balancing act

 One day she had a brainstorm: She'd get them involved in an activity.

 So it all began with a gymnastics class. Then she found out about Kindermusik. Next, came piano. And it grew from there.

 Today, Nash is a seventh-grader at Morton Middle School. At 13, he carries a 3.85 grade-point average all A's and a B. And he keeps a pretty hectic schedule.

 Right now he's on the school academic team, in the student technology leadership program and plays trumpet in the band. He also does Boy Scouts, takes ballroom dancing and is an acolyte at church.

 He can't see scaling back.

 ``I'd still have a lot of time on my hands,'' he said. 

It's a good sign when a child likes his activities, Rosenfeld said. That means parents are doing something right. But if a child starts mumbling and grumbling, ``Can't we ever stay home?'' or ``I'm tired,'' there's a problem.

 Also, if the child's activities rule or cramp the entire family's lifestyle, that could mean trouble.

 ``You have to set a balance where everybody has a life,'' he said. 

In 1997, researchers at the University of Michigan Institute for Social Research surveyed nearly 4,000 youths nationwide. The youngsters, ages 12 and younger, were asked to keep logs that chronicled the use of their time.

 The study found that kids ages 3-12 spend about 29 hours a week in school. That's nearly eight hours more than in 1981, when an identical study was conducted. 

The study also found something most parents know from experience: Youth participation in organized activities has increased dramatically, nearly 50 percent. And the study found leisure time time beyond school, sleeping, eating and personal hygiene is decreasing.

Taking its toll 

 The Pinczewski's daughter, Stafford Hartman, 13, is a drama major at the School for the Creative and Performing Arts. As such, she's required to perform in the fall and spring theater productions. That means practice and lots of it. 

The last few weeks were spent practicing for the play How to Eat Like a Child.

 So it's school all day social studies, language arts, algebra, band, science, health and drama classes. Then it's play practice from 4 to 6 p.m. daily.

 And Stafford's got church on Sunday and Wednesday nights. And she's president of the student council. Then there's soccer, speech team and private baritone lessons. And, oh, yeah, Stafford's a card-carrying member of MENSA, a worldwide organization of people with IQs in the highest 2 percent of the population.

 Is it all too much?

 ``No,'' Stafford's mom, Frances Pinczewski, says initially. ``She handles it well. She's very disciplined about scheduling herself and structuring her time.''

 Pinczewski admits, however, that Stafford has been overbooked lately. Her eyes are puffy. She moves slowly. Her head's down, and she says, ``I'm tired.''

 But Stafford is asking for voice lessons. 

Her parents vetoed the lessons at least until the play ends.

 That's what parents should be doing, Rosenfeld said. Parents are supposed to help their children make good decisions. When they can't, he said, parents should step in and set the rules.

 But not many do that.

 ``We rob children of the ability to see us being adults,'' Rosenfeld said. ``We see parents being child-boosters'' instead of adults.

The negatives 

 Some people have no problem saying it. Drew Cox, 11, is one of them. 

Though his brother, Nash, is willing to take on just about anything, Drew, a fifth-grader no longer will.

 Early on, the Coxes urged him into all the activities with his brother. Now, they sit back and let him choose what he likes.

 That's soccer and Boy Scouts.

 For now, that's all that interests him.

 ``I'd rather just stay home and watch TV,'' he said.

 Beverly and Doug Cox, his parents, respect this to some degree. 

``I don't push him,'' Doug Cox said. ``I let him taste the subjects. If he likes it, fine. If not, we back off.''

News researcher Linda Niemi contributed to this article.