|
|
|
Message to parents: Back off! October 27, 2004
Experts offer these tips for balanced involvement with children.
Admit fallibility. Children who grew up with controlling parents "almost to a T, had never heard their father or mother say 'I don't know' or 'I was wrong,'" said family therapist Dan Neuharth. "Parents who exert an unhealthy control are afraid that admitting they're wrong will erode their authority. But it's a healthy lesson for children to hear parents say, 'I don't know.' "
Get a life. "Some parents are so focused on their child's development that they forget to pay attention to their own development," Neuharth said. "Have your own hobbies and friendships. It's important to make that a priority."
Don't push development by pressuring children. "It doesn't work," said psychologist Michael Thompson. Plus, children pick up on parents' anxiety or disappointment. "Unless there are clear signs a child is significantly behind, I want parents to trust a child's development."
Make family time a priority. It should be as important as education, athletics, social activities and other outside commitments, advises Dr. Alvin Rosenfeld on his Web site, www.hyper-parenting.com.
Don't overschedule. "Childhood needn't be an endless treadmill of productivity and self-improvement," Rosenfeld notes.
Follow children's lead. "If children consistently don't want to do an activity, it's best to leave it alone," Neuharth said.
Focus on your child, not your dream of what your child should be.
Don't expect perfection. "If you use the same standards you have for adults, kids will always feel inadequate," Rosenfeld said.
Give more space as children age. "Parents have to take a step back at each (developmental) step along the way," said Michael Murphy, head of Seattle Country Day School. "At each grade level, children should have more ownership."
Work with teachers first. Sometimes if parents have a problem, they go right to the principal. "Teachers should be the first line of communication," said Jo Ann Yockey, head of Westside School, an independent school with preschool through fifth grade.
Take a deep breath. See if kids can work out problems before stepping in, or wait a day until everyone has calmed down before addressing an issue.
|
|
NEWSPAPER ADS |
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
 |
