Drop in after school on David, Kevin and Jonathan Raus and check out what they're not doing.

The three boys aren't scrambling into baseball cleats in preparation for practice. They aren't rushing to make David's basketball game. They aren't eating dinner on the run.

In August, their mom, Simone Raus, did something radical. When the mail brought sign-up brochures for baseball, roller hockey and basketball, she tossed them all.

Now, her kids come home from Charlotte Jewish Day School to a leisurely afternoon snack of homemade pizza. They play board games during the week - a luxury formerly reserved for weekends. The days seem longer, the atmosphere more relaxed.

"It's not panicky," 10-year-old David explains.

Sometimes, it used to be.

Until this fall, Simone and Michael Raus did what so many American families do. After school, Simone hurried her boys through a snack, ferried them to one activity or another, served dinner in shifts. Some days were so packed that she woke David early to do homework he didn't have time to complete the evening before.

Now, though, the Rauses have joined a small but growing number of American families who've made a conscious decision to slow down, cut back and relax.

The change has been wonderful, Simone says. "I see so many mothers running all over town after school when all my kids really want to do is come home and ride their bicycles. And what is wrong with that?"

Call Simone a hyper-parent in recovery. That's what Alvin Rosenfeld and Nicole Wise call themselves, and they're the people who wrote the book - "Hyper-Parenting: Are You Hurting Your Child by Trying Too Hard?" (St. Martin's Press, $22.95).

"Hyper-parenting is the way good parents in America are taught to behave," says Rosenfeld, a psychiatrist. Society promotes hyper-parenting by constantly telling us "that we could actually perfect a child. That we could all raise Tiger Woodses if we just started early enough."

If you're a parent, you know what he means. Maybe you bought a Baby Mozart video to stimulate your toddler's brain. Maybe you signed up your 5-year-old for soccer. Or you're driving hundreds of miles to take your daughter to gymnastic meets. Or you've hired an SAT tutor for your 16-year-old.

In your heart of hearts, perhaps you doubt the necessity of electronic flash cards in seven languages. You wonder if your 5-year-old, who insists on skipping down the soccer field, is really getting something out of the game. Or you recall that your parents didn't attend every event you participated in, and you turned out fine.

The thing is, though, that all the other parents seem to be doing these things.

"There's all kinds of societal pressures saying start your kids early. You feel your kids are going to lose something," says Linda Dunham, a Charlotte mother of three daughters.

A burgeoning backlash

Some have been inspired by "Hyper-Parenting," others by the University of Minnesota's William Doherty, who has written books and helped form Family Life 1st, an organization of parents committed to family time and family activities.

Others, like Gayle Bell, have pulled back entirely on their own.

This is the first time in 22 sports seasons that Bell hasn't chauffeured at least one of her two sons - a second- and a seventh-grader - to athletic practices and games.

"It kind of just happened, but I let it happen, hoping to see what life would be like without the constant run," says Bell, of Charlotte. "The mood is more relaxed, more conducive to having a real conversation, to truly enjoying each other."

Dunham's family recently decided to scale back to one soccer season a year, rather than back-to-back seasons. Her 10- and 12-year-old daughters also pulled out of Girl Scouts, and she elected not to put her 4-year-old in preschool, which allows her to work fewer hours.

"I have a daughter who just loves to play. And sometimes we realize that putting her in organized sports was just shackling her up. It was almost taking away from her childhood," she says.

It was a soccer game - her kids' very first one - that convinced Hilary Yost to scale back.

About 10 minutes into the game, Yost's daughter, then 6, announced she was tired and wanted to stop. A bit later, she spotted her 5-year old son trying to stick his head through the net of the opposing team's goal.

That's it, thought Yost, of Rock Hill. When the kids are older and really want to pursue an activity, she says she'll gladly drive them to it. Until then, she plans to focus on good homework habits, reading and playtime.

More, better, sooner

Since 1981, free time has dropped, while time spent doing homework and playing organized sports has jumped.

The growing number of children who compete in year-round sports at elite levels even prompted the American Academy of Pediatrics to warn that such intense training can injure developing bodies - and psyches.

More extra-curricular activities also mean more driving. The average American mother with school-age children spends more than an hour a day behind the wheel, chopped into more than five trips, a 1999 study found.

How did life get to this point?

Many reasons, experts say.

Topping the list is money. Today's parents have more of it, so they can afford extras for their kids that past generations would never have considered.

Entrepreneurs, of course, figured this out. Over the past couple decades, they've marketed a ton of products and activities designed to help you improve your kids. Especially prevalent are products for babies and preschoolers that capitalize on research showing the importance of early stimulation.

In his books, Doherty, a University of Minnesota professor, examines how "the hard-driving consumer, competitive society" has seeped into family life. "Parenting as product development," he calls it.

The need for more organized activities grew as more mothers joined the work force. Families also steered kids into activities because they didn't feel safe letting them play freely in their neighborhoods. And many parents figured that heavily scheduled kids would be too busy to find trouble.

In many neighborhoods, a swirl of near-constant activities became the cultural norm.

But some experts believe our well-meaning efforts to enrich our children may end up hurting them.

Not that there's anything wrong with ballet lessons or computer camp, they say. But time for a relaxed family dinner and a Monopoly game, time to dig a hole in the back yard - these things are equally valuable.

"Down time and that bored time are necessary because they stimulate creativity. It makes them fill in the blanks, develop an inner life," Rosenfeld says.

Rosenfeld also worries that parents who devote themselves totally to their children's enrichment may end up feeling resentful. And resentful child rearing is not good.

"The studies I know of say that what makes for a good life vs. a bad life is relationships. It's not accomplishments," he says. "The variable that was most powerful in studies was one good relationship."

For now, the only extra-curricular activity the Raus boys are involved in is play.

Still, they manage to stay busy.

After school, David, 10, Kevin, 9, and Jonathan, 6, play police chase on bikes, catch salamanders in the creek, make timed skateboard runs down the driveway. Sometimes, they get their mom to pull the car out of the garage, use their recycling bin as a goal and play roller hockey on the smooth floor.

"Before, I was always saying no, no, no. It's too late," Simone Raus says. "This is healthier."

Both Doherty and Rosenfeld are reluctant to give specific prescriptions to families seeking more balance in their lives, but they do offer general suggestions.

"Not having something every day of the week would be a start," Doherty says. "Every family has to find their own way there."

Says Rosenfeld: "Cut some. See if it's enough to make your family sane again. You guys have to decide, when you find yourself smiling again."