Despite the title, it's not another treatise on the dire consequences of failing to follow the authors' instructions. In fact, psychiatrist Alvin Rosenfeld and writer Nicole Wise, who have seven children between them, want parents to take a deep breath, ignore the barrage of media advice and just let kids be kids.

 Many of today's parents are tripping over their own good intentions, the authors say.

 "Many sense, on a gut level at least, that something has gone very wrong with the way we are raising kids today, in a life of constant pressure and perpetual motion," they write. "Though they acknowledge that something is amiss, they have a hard time taking the idea any further. After all, everyone else is living the same way. And who can hear the soft voice of reason in the midst of a stampede?"

 Rosenfeld and Wise offer a dose of informed skepticism about everything from the prenatal regimen to brain-building products to the glut of parenting books (of course, there is a bit of irony in the fact that they're hoping families will buy one more).

 They offer the best perspective I've seen on the Potty Wars that rage between pediatrician T. Berry Brazelton ("wait until the child is ready") and parenting columnist John Rosemond ("train them before 3"). The difference between the two is philosophic, not scientific, these authors contend. "Both experts have crucial, intelligent things to say," they write. "Neither Brazelton nor Rosemond is right or wrong. It is up to us, as parents, to know what feels right for us and to find an expert who speaks to us."

 They blame the media - news as well as entertainment - for creating pressure to hyper-parent. I can attest that they're on target about the forces that push reporters to draw sweeping conclusions from limited research, or to accompany reports of every tragedy with a "10 tips to keep this from happening to your child" sidebar.

 The truth, they say, is we can't always keep bad things from happening, no matter how vigilant we are. We can't create a genius, an artist or a saint, no matter how many books we read. With all our learning, love and technology, our children's lives remain partly beyond our control.

 That's a disturbing reality, perhaps, but a liberating one. Rosenfeld and Wise want us to get comfortable with the imperfect family life we really have. "And what a good life that can be," they say, "not only for our very lucky, much loved children, but also for us." 

Adolescence 101

Generations