They're the do-all, see-all, know-all families in your neighborhood or circle of friends. The parents who, with spring break approaching, are taking the kids to Cabo or to day camp where they will learn to cure cancer, win the Cy Young Award and land a spot on American Idol.

All before age 18.

Half of them are the "Perfect Mothers" who, according to a recent article in Newsweek, are begging the SUV to stop because they want to get off.

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Can't keep up with the Joneses? You shouldn't even try, especially during spring break when all your kids really want is a little unplugged time - with you.

"Our kids' best teachers are us," said Alvin Rosenfeld, a New York child psychiatrist and author of The Over-Scheduled Child. "What we're doing is depriving them of that experience when we rush and we go and we think visiting an amusement park is more important than hanging around, renting a movie and talking about it. What our kids most need is us."

Even arms-length teenagers say they want more time with their parents, according to Teens Today 2003, a survey of 2,753 American teenagers by Students Against Destructive Decisions and Liberty Mutual. Although 54 percent of the respondents feel they get the right amount of parent interaction, 28 percent said it's "not quite" or "not nearly" enough.

The survey further reported a majority of teenagers with high self-esteem said their relationship with their parents makes them feel good about themselves, and those whose parents provide guidance are less likely to use alcohol than teens without that support.

With spring break looming, lollygagging may be difficult for some go-go parents not accustomed to doing nothing and for those who think every art project must be perfect.

Others may have only part of the week off work or just evenings, as usual.

No matter, the key to success is setting a realistic period of time - 30 minutes? four hours? - that you can devote to your children, said Steven Bennett, author of 365 Unplugged Family Fun Activities. Turn off the cellphones, avoid all forms of screen time and just be.

"If you're 'whatever . . . yeah' half there, your kids know it," said Bennett, a stay-at-home dad of two in Cambridge, Mass.

He suggested activities that require little planning and no major purchases, such as storytelling or dress-up with old clothes around the house. Think of things that won't stress you out, and let your child pick the one to do, he said.

"If you're not accustomed to inventing stuff on the fly with your kids, you might get frustrated," Bennett said. "It doesn't have to be incredible, elaborate stuff."

Expectations must be realistic, too. If your daughter has never played football, your son is a stranger to the oven or it's been 30 years since you colored, don't expect her to complete every pass in the back yard, his brownies to be edible or yourself to stay within the lines.

Instead, heap on the praise, pat yourself on the back and be flexible in not moving onto the next activity just because the alarm on your watch sounded.

"Kick back and have fun," Bennett said. "If you're having fun, they're going to sense it."

Downtime with kids often provides opportunities for real communication, said Rosenfeld, who fondly recalls fishing with his dad.

"You didn't accomplish anything, you usually didn't catch anything, but it didn't even matter," he said.

Sherry Azzarella of Phoenix plans to take vacation time from her job to be home with her two children during their spring break. The family is taking a short trip to Mexico to fish, but otherwise plans to play board games, paint pictures and unplug.

"We're all a little over overstimulated, and TV and computer games tend to compound that problem," said Azzarella, 40. "These other activities really build relationships, more one-on-one, with children."

Brenna Stull hasn't taken many spring-break trips with her five children, ranging in age from 2 to 11, because there's nearly always been a baby around, making travel more challenging. Instead, the Stulls took advantage of the Valley's spring weather, biking the neighborhood, taking visitors up Piestewa Peak and just being outdoors.

"Phoenix is so beautiful in the spring, I hated to go anywhere else," said Stull, who moved her family to McKinney, a suburb of Dallas, in September. "Once April is done, you're pretty much toast."

The 36-year-old mom will build quiet time into this spring vacation, when Dillon, 11, can decide which of his inventions he really wants to patent, 9-year-old Derek can work on his comic strips, and Micah, 4, can design another Lego village.

"So much of the time in the school year, we run home, get homework done, their practice starts at such and such a time, we squeeze in dinner," Stull said. "I think it's really important they have time to be independent, time by themselves where they're not doing anything organized. To be quiet and creative and to just think."



Reach the reporter at janie.magruder@arizonarepublic.com or (602) 444-8998.